Selfsick.

I know its late at night and I have my first day of work in the morning and I shouldnt be blogging, as I blog so little really, compared to most people anyway. But maybe because Im living by myself right now, it might be the best time to blog.

So anyway, I think I have low self esteem right now. I dont mean that to sound dramatic because its not. Its not that Im craving special attention per say, its just that I find myself doubtful without it. I get horrible pangs of “Brent doesnt love me anymore” and “my friends dont like me” and “I have no friends” and everything in between.

Obviously I receive indications that these worries are unfounded, but it doesnt take much of an absence of proof for me to start doubting everything. And you can call me stupid, an idiot, needy, whatever. I dont care. Because my relationships with people are the most important thing to to me, really. I know some people dont need it in their lives, but I do. So yeah I might feel a bit embarrassed that I need more reassurance than usual lately, but when I think about it, friendship, family, and love are the most important things in my life, so if sometimes I feel shit about it, so be it. Its worth worrying about.

Sometimes though, I do think I would completely fall apart without adam. He means more than he would ever know. I appreciate him in so many ways.

Anyway, that is all for now.